building inside

building inside,
I feel it building inside
It builds my pride
not to hide and bow my head
in front of your insistence

You may have broken me
but I have rebuilt.
I've been tested
and biopsied
Drilled and poked and drained
Scanned, screened and poked again

I have crawled out of that dark cave
with dark sunken eyes
only to find the darkness
in people.

Screaming at the top of there lungs
"Do not succeed!"
"Do not be better than me!"
"I'll keep you down because
of my deep seated selfish nature."

I'll ignore you to the point where you
become suspicious of my sanity
I'll be schizophrenically under responsive
and manically over responsive.

I kept my cool
When you said that you wanted
to make me mad.
Believe me when I say
that I know what it means
to be angry
to feel physical and emotional pain
I want to whine about the unfairness of
my life but where the hell does that get me.

My understanding is my burden and my redemption
My extreme empathy has resulted in apathy
and cold chills in my heart.